i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
