Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
