Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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