We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
