Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
