In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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