Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
