Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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