i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am naked and annoyed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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