i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
