I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
