My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
