after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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