I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
