My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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