Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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