New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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