It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
