im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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