margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I supernannyed him into submission
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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