I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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