I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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