just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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