The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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