If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
