dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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