He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
