i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
