ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
