Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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