i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
