How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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