I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
