it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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