Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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