That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
