I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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