But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
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its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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