im having a threesome with these popsicles
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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