Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
