her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
