went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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