Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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