Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
