she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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