every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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