Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
