how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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