Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
