some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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