OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i love accidental penises.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
