Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
