Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
