I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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