Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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