i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
