Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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