It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
