im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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