I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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