her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
