Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
