After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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