we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
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