just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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